this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
