Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
