Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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