Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
