Got a toothbrush?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
