Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
