tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
