i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
