He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
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