It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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