just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
