you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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