A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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