I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
