Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
