I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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