this beer tastes like vomit already
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
