I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
