i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
