Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
