I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
