Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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