i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
