Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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