I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
