Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
