my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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