if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
