anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
