His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
