I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
