you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize