he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
