my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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