I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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