I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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