I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
