all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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