Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
