I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
