why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
