I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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