Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
