so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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