I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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