we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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