Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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