I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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