yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
