i would punch a child for taco bell
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
