While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize