I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
