Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Houston, we have a blender
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
