guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
