I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
