This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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