As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
