i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just threw up on my dentist
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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