I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
