They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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