she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
