My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
