Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
