I haven't been this sober since birth.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
