His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
