Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
