I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
