just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
