Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize