captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
