They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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