so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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