All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
