Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize