yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
