i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
