I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
