Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
