I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
