Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
