On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
