we have officially lost it.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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