:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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