it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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