I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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