she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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