just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
