is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
