Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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