Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
