...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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