Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Couch. On fire.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
